Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
