i need an iv and a liver transplant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
how does that bad decision feel?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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