I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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