I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
