"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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