Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't turn off my feet"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
