I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
