I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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