if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
