I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize