remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
