There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
