I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
