please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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