mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
