i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
