You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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