I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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