Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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