No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
