Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
