just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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