i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
