Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
