I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
