is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
