Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
