is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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