i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize