you have to choose: penises or morals?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
