I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize