I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
