I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
