I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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