I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
