i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
