apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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