Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
