did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
