shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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