If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
