none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
