Someone shit on the floor
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
