Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
