I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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