its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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