Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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