I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
vagina is talking i cant
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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