you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
