i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
