i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
40s are totally the cure
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
