My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
