she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
