So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
