She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
