Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
