she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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