2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
