She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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