where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
