I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
