What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
