onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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