Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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