White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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