Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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