...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
