THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
