I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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