she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
