My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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