Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
