I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
